13 July 2010 – Dublin Hopes Pearsed by Lustrous Leinster

Report by Oliver O’Callaghan

Dublin 2-9

Leinster 4-11

With the “Coalition of the Willing” beaten by “Mercenaries Inc.” the Doobs still had a glimmer of hope of making the final. Standing in their way would be Leinster Lite playing for the not insignificant prize of their pride (at least half of this team has been seen marching for Pride).

As soon as the game started Leinster had the look of a team unshackled by their position, while the Dubs seemed to be toiling under the pressure of expectation, living up to the clichés about their county. Leinster grabbed the early initiative which they would refuse to surrender throughout the match, through a classy finish from Colly Byrne who would later add a bitten tongue to his litany of injuries this summer. Scores continued to flow for Leinster including a fisted goal from Conor Aylward in a blatant, pathetic attempt to wrest the title of “Goalpuncher Extraordinaire” from an unnamed injured player.

Halftime saw the Dubs reeling but not out of it yet. Alec Elliot’s goal gave them hope albeit the type of hope usually found in gambling addicts spending their last fiver on scratch cards. Eoin Ó Seanain could be seen making apoplectic gestures to his team-mates during the team talk while captain Ciaran Hudson looking on with a distant, slightly glazed look in his eyes.

The second half saw Leinster continue in cruise control giving a lesson in counterattacking football. O Seanain was forced to come deep to look for the ball because Dave “Bonecrusher” Burke was all over him like a cheap suit. In the midst of this classy Leinster performance Crusher seemed to reinvent himself as marauding halfback regularly defying his nosebleeds to pass the halfway line. Similarly Emmett “Devine” Devine bombed forward at every opportunity looking to fill his boots but he must have insulted his team-mates for he was ignored more times than Dave Collins at a singles’ night. Fair play to man-mountain Sean O’Connor who got a goal by utilising the skills learnt in his many other sports including soccer, basketball, baseball, archery, dressage, the luge, coxless fours sculling, and interpretive dance.

The game was killed off as a contest by a classy goal by Pearse O’Caoimh whose languid style and devil-may-care demeanour belie a steely determination and a self-belief known only to the most narcissistic of souls.

Ultimately the Dubs will feel that personnel and past performance should have made this contest more competitive and will be disappointed in a somewhat abject display, but credit to the lads from Leinster who could have been in the final themselves had the Fates blown the winds of fortune in their favour during previous encounters.

Man of the Match: Pearse O’Caoimh

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